i really feel like i have achieved nothing. but then i try to justify by saying, i have just turned 18..... this is the time to party, to be irresponsible, to forget, to make mistakes blah blah blah and i have achieved alot this year on a personal level...... fuck i dont know how to explain it....... i have good days and bad days........ i swear i have split personality, some days i feel like ive had an amazing year and other days i think 'what the fuck do i have to show for this year?'. ive just been thinking about it alot, i keep thinking this time last year i was just finished school blah blah anyways im going to stop talking about this because im going around in circles and making no sense
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
When I get married it will be so perfect and so frightening but I will know with every bit of my heart, my soul, my mind that what I’m doing is perfect and right and what my destiny wants. And so I won’t be so afraid and unsure, I will go to the deep end with my whole heart and drown in it and not come out. I will never be the same again. But I guess you’re never the same when it comes to experiences. Right now, I just can’t be in a relationship because how can I be the best I can be if I want to experience significant events such as traveling and job opportunities that are completely irrelevant to the relationship? That has nothing to do with him? You’re meant to share. You’re meant to be doing everything with both you and his future in your mind. You have to balance. You have to care. And I cannot focus on that, I want to focus on me and know who I am. I will know when I am ready. Everything I want, I get. Right now, I need to move on and see where life goes from thereon.